Soul Retrieval With my Fourth Grade Teacher

As I mentioned last week, I have found that this year has brought a lot of (joyful) completion for me.

I am still experiencing such amazing parts of myself coming back to me. Some of these parts are from when I was quite young. Most recently I’ve been sorting out things from 12-25 years ago.

Obviously, some of this energy can be quite heavy and difficult to get through.

It is joyful but challenging, and I keep moving forward because of how interesting this process, and the memories and sensations associated with my history, are to me.

Here’s an example.

I recently ran into my 4th grade teacher after not seeing her for over 25 years. I hadn’t seen her since I had been in her class, decades ago.

The weird part about it is that she lives around the corner from my mom – for the last 20 years – and neither of us knew this.

This is also significant because this teacher was my FAVORITE TEACHER EVER. I have never had a learning experience as powerful and awesome as I did in her class.

It was also the year I started writing profusely – journalling – which would later prove to be a lifelong process.

I became a writer in 4th grade.

In between fourth grade and now, my life has been muddled with all other sorts of activities that I have enjoyed and been good at, but I never let go of my pen (and now keyboard). I have always felt that writing would be a good profession for me because I just “get it”. There is no strain for me, and great joy in the matter. I have been asked to write 10 pages on the spot and it’s been a no-brainer. Easy-peasy.

When my 4th grade teacher and I got on the topic of what I am doing now, I went to my exterior self first. “I’m studying visual effects and 3d animation.”

But as the conversation continued it became, “I am learning sketch writing at Second City. I have written two screenplays and two sitcom pilots. I have written two books that are yet to be published. I am a blogger.”

She responded, “I always thought you would make a good writer. A teacher and a writer.”

I found that amusing because that combo is kind of how I see my activities on this blog (although I also learn quite a bit from the reader comments).

The thing is that my writing has always been a very personal part of me. I do it a lot but I haven’t been too public about it. Even with this blog, I keep it anonymous because of the content but also I think because I am a bit shy about putting my writing out in the public with my name on it.

But this is 2012.

And the energy that I’m getting from 2012 is that the false posturing that I have taken on to survive will not last much longer.

Typically, in my indigo adult fashion, I reach a boiling point and I tear down such posturing when I get sick of it. I destroy such behavior with contempt for myself for acting in a false way and contempt for others who make me act in a way that leaves me so, so disconnected to who I truly am.

But this time it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be a massive personal overthrow of my self-oppression.

It feels more like a gentle and peaceful coup. 🙂

That is the energy that is coming to me thus far in 2012.

As a final note to the conversation with my favorite teacher…

I had brought the rough draft of one of my books to edit while visiting my mom, with the intention is to complete the edits the end of this summer.

I mentioned this to my 4th grade teacher and she’s responded, “See, maybe this conversation will give you a little more push in the right direction.”

It wasn’t meant to be a deep comment, but for me it was quite profound.

I’ve been sitting on this edit for a year, but by her seeing a writer in me all the way back in 4th grade… It kind of makes it my job now. Not drudgery, but more like, “Of course going to finish my edit and put out my book. Of course I’m putting myself out as a writer. I’m a writer. My 4th grade teacher says so, and she knew me long before I started bullshitting everyone, including and especially myself.”

To put it more gently…

I took a very circuitous route to get back to where I started, and while I wish that once someone wise and insightful, like my 4th grade teacher, saw my truth, that I would have been informed and encouraged to follow a path that I already loved and instinctually moved toward. The external encouragement would have helped me to play a bigger game at a younger age.

But then again, it wasn’t 2012 yet. And I feel that all that I’ve learned in all of the many fields that I have worked in will also serve my writing and other creative pursuits in a multitude of ways that I have yet to see.

~ Peace ~

Indigo Leslie